Demolition Memories
by Elves-Ate-My-Ramen
Summary: Tala finds a photo album and the boys take a look at it. What stories have been hidden from the rest of the world? Take a look for yourself. Rated 'T' for foul language. NO PAIRINGS OR LOVE WHAT SO EVER. Possible additional chapters.


EAMR: Okay, I don't know if anyone else has come up with the idea for a photo album, but so far this is the first I've seen so yay me! Tell me if it's not. I dunno. Okay well, here's the story

Disclaimer: (I still hate this) EAMR doesn't own the Demolition Boys but I do own their past! Muahahahaha! >:D

* * *

"Hey guys, check it out. I was looking for my hair gel and I found a photo album," Tala said walking in his room where the others were. 

"Why the Hell would a photo album be next to your hair gel?"

"I'm a very complicated person Bryan. Frankly, I blame Boris."

"Don't we all?" Ian asked.

Tala opened the photo album as the boys gather around

"Hey look, there's a picture of Bryan when he first came here!" Spencer exclaimed pointing to a photograph.

#Flashback#

"Welcome to the Abbey Bryan"

"Can't really say it's good to be here. Hey, who's that Ian?"

"Oh him? You've got to excuse my friend; he's a bit on the dim side...," he stated rolling his eyes.

"Well, if _this_ isn't the strangest chicken nugget I've ever seen!" Spencer said not noticing and looking at a plate of salmon, "Oh well."

With that he shoved the whole thing in his mouth.

"Is he always like this?" Bryan asked with wide eyes as he watched the disturbing sight in front of him.

"Only when there's food in front of him," Tala answered.

"Is that often?"

"Only when he's not sleeping."

#Flashback Ends#

"You know, I don't eat _that_ much!"

"Spencer, do you even _own_ a mirror?" Bryan asked.

"…Maybe"

"Check it out, it's picture of Bryan and me when we were little!" Ian said pointing to another photograph.

"I remember that fight," Tala stated, "It went on for days."

#Flashback#

"Just give me the stupid blanky Ian!" Bryan shouted tugging on the small blue blanket.

"No! Blanky's mine! And my blanky says that you're a stupid butt sucker!" he argued pulling it back.

"I said give it to me! I need something to start my fire! I mean… to cuddle with!"

"My blanky thinks that you have serious problems…"

"Oh yeah? Well, you're the one who thinks that your "blanky" talks!"

#Flashback Ends#

"Oh yeah, I remember now!"

"You should Bryan. Remember the part when Boris tried stopping you two and you bit him?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah," he answered with a sigh, "Good times, good times."

"Hey Tala, I think you skipped a page," Ian stated looking over his shoulder.

"Uh… no I didn't! You're hallucinating!" he said hastily.

"No he's right. I think you _did_ skip a page. Turn back," Spencer ordered.

"It's probably nothing. In fact I'm positive it's nothing," he said with a nervous laugh.

"God you're stubborn," Bryan said grabbing the book and turning the page back.

"All (except Tala) stares at the page, long and hard with a face like this o.O. "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

"Shut up! I thought I burned that stupid picture!"

"Ha, ha, ha. Obviously not!" Bryan said holding his stomach.

"Oh yeah, I remember this picture! Ian stated, "Tala always wanted to play tea party."

"Yeah, he was bossy even back then!" Spencer added.

"Oh God, here comes another flashback," Tala said with a heavy sigh.

#Flashback#

The boys were all around a big pink table with little plastic cups and plates.

"Sir Bryan? Would you like more tea?" Tala asked in a high-pitched _old _British accent.

"Why yes, yes I would. Thank you Sir Tala," Bryan answered in the same voice as Tala poured the pretend tea.

"Ian? Would you like some sugar with your tea?" Tala asked holding up the empty teapot.

"No! I don't want any stupid sugar!" he shouted slamming his fists on the table.

"But it's low on fat and sugar free!" Bryan exclaimed.

"Oh… well in that case, sure!"

"Hey! I've got a great idea! We should all dress up!" Spencer exclaimed with a smile.

"That _is_ a great idea!" Bryan said with a huge smile also, "I call dibs on the pretty pink dress that Boris wears when he thinks no one's around!"

"No! I want the pretty pink dress!" Tala shouted.

"I called it first!"

"If _I_ don't get to wear the pretty pink dress, then _no one_does!"

"But I called dibs!"

"I got your dibs right here!"

With that Tala jumped over the table and tackled Bryan to the ground. From there on the two tried strangling each other until Boris walked in.

"What's going on in here?" he shouted as Bryan and Tala stop and look at him.

"Hey! He's wearing _my_ pretty pink dress!" Tala shouted angrily, pointing at Boris.

"It's mine!" Bryan shouted, "Give it back!"

Bryan and Tala attacked Boris who is now screaming like a little girl while Ian and Spencer sat back and drank their 'tea'.

#Flashback Ends#

"I still called dibs on it."

"You're joking right Bryan?"

"Oh, did I say that out loud?"

"Yeah you did," Ian answered, "But I'm going to deny that fact to avoid any brain damage."

"Check it out. It's a picture of Boris," Spencer said pointing to the photo.

"Oh that's from when he was trying to stick with his New Years Resolution," Tala stated.

"Which was really dumb," Bryan started, "I mean what evil dude would have their Resolution as not to be evil for a whole year?"

"Boris…," Ian stated simply.

#Flashback#

"Go, my minions! Fetch me-"

"You're not supposed to talk to us like that anymore, remember?" Bryan stated, "You're no longer evil Boris, now you're nice Boris!... Man that sounds weird."

"Erm, well… go my… uh… best buddies! Get… uh… _please_ get me my wonderful-"

"On second thought, maybe you should just go back to being yourself," Tala said with a slightly disturbed expression.

"But my Resolution!" Boris exclaimed.

"No one sticks with their Resolutions anyways," Ian stated.

"Remember when Voltaire said he'd stop talking to himself for his Resolution?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah, that didn't last too long," Bryan stated as the others nodded.

"I suppose… okay then! I'll go back to being evil! I'm in a good mood! I think I'll go dance in my pretty pink dress! I mean… go plan on world domination!"

"o.O _Right_."

"I still called dibs," Bryan whispered to himself.

#Flashback Ends#

"That dress WILL be mine!" Bryan mumbled to himself.

"Dude, you seriously need therapy"

"NO I DON'T TALA! STOP SAYING THAT TO ME! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! ARG!"

"Yeah sure," Ian said scooting away from him, "Hey look, another picture of Boris

"That's from when Voltaire let him make an "evil" plan," Spencer stated.

#Flashback#

"This, my minions, is my all new mapping device!" Boris stated with a maniacal laugh.

"That's funny… it looks exactly like the last one."

"That's not true Ian! Why, if you look on the other side, it has cup holders!"

"And look at this…," Voltaire said pressing a button where Hawaii should be, "Now we can use it to play table hockey!"

"And we strike here at dawn!" Boris said point to the map.

"Uh… you're pointing at Moscow," Tala stated.

"And?"

"We live here," Bryan answered.

"And?"

"You're gonna blow us all up!" Tala shouted.

"And?"

"That includes you!" Bryan added as Boris thought for a moment.

"Oh shit…"

#After a few hours of new planning#

"And now, for the most dangerous mission of them all…" Boris started with a dark expression, "The 75 percent off sale at the Beauty Parlor! Muahahahaha! Remember, nail polish my minions, nail polish! Muahahahaha!"

"We're doomed," Spencer said shaking his head as Bryan, Tala, and Ian all nod along with Voltaire.

#Flashback Ends#

"I can't believe we actually bought _nail polish_!" Ian shouted angrily, "At a _Beauty Parlor_!"

"Hey, at least it was black."

"Actually Bryan, it was a dark hue of purple. You all know how Boris likes purple," Spencer said with an innocent smile.

"o.O What?" the others asked as they stared.

"What? He does!" he said defending himself.

"Yeah, anyways," Ian started, changing the subject, "I'm never going into a Beauty Parlor again! Do you know how many people kept telling me to get plastic surgery on my nose!"

"Yeah, and I think one of the dudes that worked there was gay," Tala stated, "He kept staring at my ass."

"Consider yourself lucky; he rubbed mine."

"o.O EEEEW!" the others shouted.

"I'm just sayin'," Bryan added with a shrug.

"Oh that just nasty. I feel for ya man," Spencer said patting him on the back.

"Thanks," Bryan said sniffing and wiping a fake tear.

"Yeah, that's great. On with the photo album!" Ian said as they forgot about the… thing.

"Look, it's that picture form Halloween when Voltaire played that trick on us with the hologram," Spencer said pointing to yet another picture.

"Oh yeah, that Halloween sucked ass," Tala stated.

#Flashback#

"Spencer! Get up and help us throw these friggin tomatoes!"

"But Tala… I'm still hungry!"

"Stupid pig!" Bryan shouted grabbing a tomato and throwing it at the ghost hologram.

"Muahahahaha! Your pathetic attempts don't affect me!" the ghost said in an eerie tone.

"Oh, please! That doesn't scare me!" Ian said with a laugh.

"Oh yeah? What about when the tomato went _through_ his body?" Tala asked panicking along with Bryan.

"Oh… right. Yeah, okay, that scared me."

"Muahahahaha! I will eat your souls!" the ghost said with a maniacal laugh.

"Ah! Before I die I have a confession to make!" Tala shouted dropping to his knees, "I used Voltaire's toothbrush to unclog the toilet one time after eating Mexican food!"

"What! No wonder it tasted funny!" the ghost said putting a finger on it's chin, "I mean… You shall pay for your insolence!"

"It's not my fault! My stomach doesn't agree with tacos! But they were sooo yummy!"

"Dude that's sick! We don't need to know what goes on with your bowels!" Bryan said in disgust.

"But… but… I just love tacos sooo much!"

#Flashback Ends#

"That had to be the most fucked up Halloween _ever_," Bryan stated.

"Don't make fun of my precious tacos!" Tala shouted with a hiss.

"o.O And people think _I'm_ weird," Ian stated backing away from him.

"I didn't notice any ghost."

"That's because you were too busy shoving you face in tomatoes," Bryan stated with a 'I-don't-even-know-you' expression.

"Oh yeah!"

"Hey, here's when we went on vacation in Egypt!" Tala stated,

#Flashback#

"Oh great, I think I stepped in a traaaaaaaaaap…"

"Oh, do it again Bryan! I wasn't looking!" Spencer said turning towards the large hole.

"What a retard. How can you not see that? Even Spencer avoided it!" Tala stated as they all looked down the hole.

"Yeah," Spencer started, "Hey, wait a minute."

"Shut up and get me out of here!" he shouted holing up a fist.

"I say we leave him," Ian said with a laugh.

"WHY YOU LITTLE-"

#The following words have been cut off by our sponsors. Please wait while Bryan finishes his bitch fit.#

After a few hours of Bryan's bitching, they finally got annoyed and got him out of the trap. And after that he still bitched and they thought about pushing him back in the hole but decided against it. God knows why. Just play along. So instead of listening to his nagging, let's fast forward, shall we?

"What… what does the map say?" Tala asked wiping the sweat off his forehead.

"Yeah… we've been traveling for days now… what's it say?" Bryan added tiredly.

"It says, 'Stop complaining and keep walking.'," Ian answered casually, "Now let's see… I think we're at that red spot over here. Oh wait… that's a ketchup stain from a hot dog I had last week."

"Let me see. Maybe I can read it…," Spencer said as Ian gave the map to him, "Um, I thought this was supposed to be a map… it's a shopping list!"

"WHAT!" Tala and Bryan shouted in rage.

"IAN YOU LITTLE BITCH-FACED MOTHER FUCKER! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR LITTLE MIDGET ASS TO NEXT MILLENNIUM!"

#Ooo, I guess the sponsors didn't catch that.#

"C'mon, guys! Violence is NOT the answer!" Spencer said trying to save his small friend.

"Nope. But it sure as Hell is the solution!" Tala said cracking his knuckles.

Then Tala and Bryan beat the shit out of Ian while Spencer sat and watched with a bucket of popcorn.

#Flashback Ends#

"Man that vacation sucked."

"Maybe for you Ian. But it wasn't as bad as when we took a vacation to Hollywood, California!" Tala exclaimed.

"Oh God, don't remind me!" Spencer said covering his face.

"Too late! Muahahahaha!"

"Crazy midget…," Bryan mumbled.

#Flashback#

"What is _that_?" Bryan asked taking a picture, "Dude, is that a guy or a… girl?"

"I'll ask!" Ian said happily "HEY QUEER! WHAT'S YOUR GENDER?"

"Shut the fuck up. You know you want me," the mysterious cross dresser said in a gay voice.

"Okay, I _really_ hope that's girl," Tala said - no prayed.

"I'm a little bit of both, baby. How bout' you take a look and choose for yourself?" Mysterious cross dresser said bobbing his… uh…her… eyebrows as the boys stared in disgust.

"If you'll excuse me I have to go throw up now," Bryan said hurriedly walking away.

"I think I'll join you," Tala said following.

"Hey wait for me!" Ian shouted running after.

"So babe, it's just you and me," the mysterious cross dresser said scooting closer to poor, helpless Spencer.

"Uh… I think hear my mommy calling. Bye!"

With that he ran away screaming like a five-year-old girl. Heck, I would too.

"Call me! I slipped my number down your pants!" the mysterious cross dresser shouted with a wave.

"DEAR GOD, HELP ME!" he shouted throwing his arms in the air and running faster..

#Flashback Ends#

"She… uh… he… uh…"

"It…" Tala said simply.

"Right, It actually _did_ stick It's number down my pants!" Spencer exclaimed.

"I don't even _wanna_ know how that happened" Bryan said shivering.

"Wait, if It could do that without Spencer noticing, then… what happened to _us_?" Ian asked causing an awkward pause.

"OH NASTY!" they all shouted.

"Oh God! I'm scarred for life!"

"I've _been_ scarred" Spencer sighed.

"Who the Hell took a picture of this? Why would anyone want to remember _this_?" Bryan asked in dismay.

"Who knows?" Ian answered with a shrug.

#Flashback#

"What are they doing?" Ian asked.

"They're trying to take over the world… again!" Bryan answered boredly.

"How did you know that?"

"It's quite simple, really. You know those two things attached to the sides of your head? They're called 'ears'," Tala stated with the same expression.

"No way!" Ian and Spencer shouted in unison.

"No seriously, what are you guys doing? Aren't you supposed to be… you know… evil?" Tala asked raising an eyebrow.

"We _are_ being evil!" Boris said with an evil cackle.

"Umm… how is baking your mom a pie evil?" Bryan asked looking slightly worried.

"We're going to _over_-bake it! Boris, turn the oven up to three hundred-fifty _ONE_ degrees… muahahahaha!" Voltaire ordered.

"Yes sir!" Boris replied as he did as told.

"Good, good! Today, a pie! Tomorrow… a bigger pie! Then, the day after that, the world baked in the shape of a pie!"

"Muahahahaha!" Voltaire and Boris laughed as the boys backed away slowly.

"And by this time tomorrow, we shall rule the world!" Voltaire stated putting a finger in the air.

"Really?"

"No, but it's always fun to pretend…"

#Flashback Ends#

"Man they're retarded!" Tala said shaking his head as he flipped the page.

"Seriously, and to think—these are the people who just might take over the world one of these days," Ian said creating a long pause.

"Nah…," they said together with a laugh.

"Oh, I _love_ this picture! It's my _favorite_!" Bryan said with a laugh.

"Oh God, I _hate_ this picture! It should _burn_!" Ian said with a pout.

#Flashback#

"We wish you a merry-," Ian was interrupted by the loud explosion from his present causing ashes to fly on his face and his hair to fly back.

"Ha, ha… that's not how the song goes!" Spencer said laughing.

"I think he noticed!" Bryan stated also laughing.

"You're right, it _is_ funnier the fourth time around!" Tala stated as the boys started cracking up at the pissed of Ian.

"Hey, at least it wasn't a fruitcake…"

#Flashback Ends#

"Who's idea was that anyways?"

"Uh… no ones," they all answered.

"Oh well that makes sense," Ian said, non-sarcastically.

"Thank God for retarded people," Bryan mumbled as Tala and Spencer nodded.

"Oh here's another Christmas picture."

#Flashback#

"I am the ice king! Peasants, bow before me!" Tala ordered standing on top of an igloo.

"Yeah, right… I've got your ice ki—," Ian said before being interrupted by getting pegged in the face by Tala.

"You know Ian; I don't really think that this snow facial mask is working for you too well…," Bryan stated laughing.

"What are you talking about? That's a great look for Ian!" Tala said to Bryan.

"Shut up faggots!" Ian ordered.

#Flashback Ends#

"Ah Christmas, it always brings me such joy," Tala said with a laugh.

"And somehow it always brings _me_ snow down my pants!" Ian said crossing his arms.

"Hey that's your own fault Ian; you should get tighter pants. It's like playing basketball, and your pants are a huge net!" Bryan stated.

"That analogy made no comprehension whatsoever," Spencer stated.

"What?" he asked as the others stared in dismay.

"Did… did you just use the word comprehension… correctly?" Tala asked snapping out from his daze.

"Why yes, yes I did do such an achievement. What a revelation."

"What's with the big words?" Bryan asked

"Huh?"

"Okay he's back. I was gettin a little worried there," Ian said with a sigh of relief.

"Hey look! It's a picture from when we were going on strike from Russia being too cold!" Spencer said pointing to the photo.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

#Flashback#

"Now that we're all on a strike, let's chant! What do we want?" Bryan shouted.

"Disco balls!" Ian answered.

"No—heaters! Let's try this again. What do we want?" Bryan repeated.

"Heaters!" they all chanted.

"When do we want them?"

"Tomorrow!" Tala shouted.

"No, not tomorrow! Now! We want heaters NOW! What is _with_ you people?" he shouted throwing the signs on the ground and stommping on them while babbling something about mind-sucking squirrels.

"That Bryan is getting coal for Christmas, I can tell you that much…," Spencer whispered as Ian and Tala nodded.

#Flashback Ends#

"And then in the end we just walked back inside after about two minutes and I got a sore throat form all that yelling," Bryan stated shaking his head.

"You only have yourself to blame," Ian said with a smirk.

"Shut up," Bryan ordered.

"Check it out, it's that little doll we used to mess around with," Tala said pointing to yet another photo.

#Flashback#

"Hey guys, check it out! I made a Boris plushy!" Spencer said holding up a poorly made doll.

"Why the Hell would you do that?" Tala asked as Spencer paused to think.

"Good question…"

"Hey! I got an idea!" Bryan stated grabbing the plushy and drawing x's on the eyes.

"Well thanks for wasting our time Bryan," Ian said blankly.

"No look! It's a voodoo doll!"

"Do you actually believe that'll work?" Tala asked.

"Yeah! My cousin from Louisiana told me about voodoo."

"What did I tell you about your cousin? She's crazy! Never believe what she says," Tala stated.

"No! Think about it! All those people in Louisiana were messing with fate and then Katrina hit! It makes perfect sense!"

"Yeah, maybe to someone from rehabilitation," Ian muttered under his breath.

"I told you never to speak of that again!" he shouted in rage pointing at him.

"I think we should try it out. I mean we have nothing better to do, right?" Spencer asked with a shrug.

"True… okay, go for it Bryan," Tala ordered.

"Sweet."

With that Bryan pulled out a needle and stuck it on the plushy's butt.

"I don't think it worked. Try it again," Ian ordered.

Bryan poked the voodoo doll again.

"Maybe it's broken," Spencer stated.

Bryan poked it again and then started getting angry and began stabbing it in the butt repeatedly.

"What a rip off. You can have it back Spencer," Bryan said tossing the voodoo doll to Spencer.

"Aw man. Now it's full of holes," Spencer whined.

"Ha, ha! Boris is holy!" Ian said laughing

"That's not funny, stop laughing!" Tala demanded hitting Ian over the head.

"Ow."

#In Voltaire's Office#

"Are you alright Boris? You keep screaming," Voltaire stated.

"Yeah I'm fine. But it feels like someone's stabbing me in the ass," Boris answered rubbing his tender butt... ew.

#Flashback Ends#

"I still have that thing you know," Spencer stated.

"No way!" Ian exclaimed.

"Yes way!"

"Hey, I got another idea!" Bryan stated

"Does it involve voodoo?" Tala asked.

"Huh? No, actually it had something to do with potatoes; but that's good too!"

"Let's go for it!" Ian said as they head for the door.

"Wait, what about the photo album?" Tala asked as they stopped.

"What about it?" Bryan asked.

"What do we do with it?"

"Just leave it here. We'll come back later and look at the rest of the pictures," Ian stated.

Tala just shrugged and followed his teammates out of the room.

* * *

EAMR: Okay, it's over. Sad, I know; but I might add another chapter if I get enough ideas. If anyone out there has an idea that's NOT cliché, let me know! I'll give you credit and everything! Thanks for reading! 


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